The life after no contact is full of realizations. It is a process of healing, learning, and acceptance. But it is also full of regrets, guilt, rage, and grief.
Everyday is a battle of adapting to new routines, mourning for the loss of someone who you loved so deeply, and trying to live the life on your own again that you used to live with them. It won’t peaceful at first; you’ll feel a void in your heart that nothing can fill.
I know you’ll be desperate to move forward; to let your feelings disappear into thin air. But we all know that’s not possible — you’ll experience a lot of breakdowns, relapses, and suffering. You’ll still check on their social media to see how they’re doing. You’ll read your old conversations over and over to feel that kind of ‘kilig’ again. You’ll miss the sound of their laugh. You’ll crave for their presence and touch. And the worst, you’ll always have the urge to break that “no contact”.
But you’ll have to do anything you want rather than texting them or calling them because doing so is just pointless. It won’t do anything. You have to think, feel, and embrace those emotions in your soul. You have to accept and still live your life, even if all you can do is getting up from your bed.
Those realizations will hit you so hard — they will be painful and regretful. Like realizing you were losing yourself in the process of loving them too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Like trying to convince yourself that they’re better than what they were and ended up creating a version of them that your heart wants. Like losing yourself while not trying to lose them.
And you’ll never be that kind of person again. You’ll still think of them but not dare to disturb them anymore. You’ll miss them but not risk of getting back together again. You’ll always love the color of their eyes but won’t look at the same eyes that stared at you with a doubt.
If ever they found someone else, well at least, we found ourselves.
Life is still long. Life after no contact is painful but peaceful. Life didn’t end when that break up happened.
It will get better. There’s no going back. You will deserve that hard-earned peace. You’ll get there.
Author: NIS
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